when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
