Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
