1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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