the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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