some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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