my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
