love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
