I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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