He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
