chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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