Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
