i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
