All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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