moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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