you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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