its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
