Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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