Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
