Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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