sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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