Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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