Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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