I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
