she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
