but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
