She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
