I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
