He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize