Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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