Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
