I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
