why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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