He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
