found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
