apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
