i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
