he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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