The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
