God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
