i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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