Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
