So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
