your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
