He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
