i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
