Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
