well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
