and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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