i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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