Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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