2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
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