Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
