She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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