is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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