Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
