bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
