so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
