Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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