he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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