there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize