I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
