i need an iv and a liver transplant
I think I am morally bankrupt
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
