just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
