i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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