My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
