I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize