Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
