First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
