she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize