Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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